Television. What would we do without it? Besides, get smarter, invest more time into ourselves, and stop killing our frontal Lobes. But every once in a while, a television program comes along to take our conscious mind captive. It’s like a kidnapping cosigned by the kidnappee. I myself have been the victim of a TV show that held me hostage for an hour, in a dark room, gaining poundage with every scoop of popcorn I inhaled. Here are my Top 5 television programs of all time. You may agree, or maybe you won’t. But we all must agree, thank God he developed DVR.

5) V

V
V

How could a simple, obscured letter, garner its own, a great television show? Trust me, V was one of the best. Huge spaceships hover over every city in the world. Their leaders do not know what has happened. They believed it might be an exercise in peaceful intergalactic contact. They were so wrong. The Spaceships without warning attack the cities, and that quick, the Earth was captured by reptilians wearing human flesh costumes – craving people meat. They find it quite tasty. A ragtag group of Earthlings attempts to overthrow their serpentine, cannibalistic masters. The weekly series always kept me on the edge of my seat, and my eyes to the sky; watching for the rest of the alphabet to come crashing down from the hemisphere. They tried to do a remake. Fail! Watch the original.

4)The Incredible Hulk

Hulk
Hulk

Don’t make me angry!”, became a cultural catchphrase in the eighties. Bill Bixby was famously synonymous with the character David Banner, the peaceful, metro hippie going across the USA, dealing with his major anger issues. When provoked, and he always was, he turned into a steroid-enhanced Titan played by sir muscles, Lou Ferrigno, and wrecked shop; literally, biblically like Sampson–everything else in his ivy colored way. Then, he sadly exited across the USA shoeless, shirtless and half-ripped jeans that stopped at his private regions. (I guess the Hulk was not that incredible.) Next time, he should try some cannabinoid Kava.

3) Lost

Lost
Lost

Never has an adjective baffled mankind before, as the series, Lost, did to millions. The show lasted six seasons, and held audiences spellbound, weekly – as everyone that watched the episodes seemed – well Lost in a good way. Like losing your way in a large strip club, or candy shop, how can one really get lost? Survivors of a plane crash find themselves on a mysterious island. No, not Puerto Rico, I’m guessing more Pacificish. All the passengers hold secrets that are reveled through flashbacks. When I read a book on Screenwriting, it specifically said: avoid over use of flashbacks. I guess the writing room of Lost skipped that whole chapter. Not only did the people have dark secrets, but the island had a mammoth security system, subterranean bunker and a militia. A militia! I tuned in every week to watch this LSD trip on the little screen, but just when I thought I knew what was happening. I was instead. Lost.

2) The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead
The Walking Dead

Zombies. Here we are again with the Zombies. This time in the great state of Georgia. The Peach tree/Zombie state. An outbreak happened at the CDC in Atlanta. Zombies were running wild free, and they were hungry and rolling deep. Zombies heard running loose through Buck head. A group of survivor’s formed, and tried to survive in this new world, where the undead ruled. The longer the series went on, I found the real enemy seemed not to be the poor Zombies, for they just did what Zombies did – walked and ate people. The real enemies were the humans, who had devolved into an every man for themselves mentality and did the most horrendous things to each other. The Walking Dead would have been my number one, if they did not kill off Glenn so, violently. I think this led to many viewers departing the growing fandom. But as William Faulkner once said, and Steven King echoed – kill your darlings. But not with a spiked bat! Come on, man!

1) The Office

Office
Office

I became a reluctant fan of the office. I heard so many people discussing the employees from Dunder- Mufflin in Eastern Pennsylvania, and was first skeptical at best. Likewise, I had watched Steven Carell before and found him entertaining, but not ha ha funny. But man, oh man, was I wrong. The Office and its zany cast of misfits, gave me joy on dark nights, where a laugh was needed as much as H2O. This hilarious ensemble of goofballs always gave me a deep-hearted chuckle, promoting an Office addiction to which I admit to still having today. Even when Mike Scott left the series, I was still invested in the characters that remained. Jim, Pam, Dwight and Creed, became family and I wanted to grab a desk and sell paper. Paper! How can an office gig be so funny? The humor was spontaneous and always peeked my dopamine levels to a satisfactory point. Some days I miss the crew at Dunder – Mifflin as if I had been fired and hired back as a temp. The Office was a spin-off from a British series by Ricky Gervais, but will always be American and my favorite TV show of all time.